


AR Gets His Ass Handed to Him by Sawtooth (The Short Jr. Discourse)

by PG_13



Series: Talks and Bots: The Private Sector [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen, but more for the pm aspect of the chatrooms, clever dialogue, formatting this will kill me less, silly shit, this is exactly like 'talks and bots', ya dig?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-11
Updated: 2017-10-11
Packaged: 2019-01-16 01:16:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12332556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PG_13/pseuds/PG_13
Summary: Sawtooth smooths out his suspicions about Lil' Hal Jr. with a short game of 'Twenty' Questions with AR.





	AR Gets His Ass Handed to Him by Sawtooth (The Short Jr. Discourse)

**Author's Note:**

> I've mentioned this before, but I'll mention it again. This is basically the PM side to the 'main' series, where on some occasions two bots talk about their 'feelings' on the chat of the day without prying eyes (or so they believe). That's all I have to say on the matter, really. Also, the words in parenthesis apply to the one-shot in the 'main' series on which it takes place.

 - [ST] joined private chatroom with [AR] -

 

ST: Yo man. I’d like to have a word with ya if ya don’t mind. Don't even gotta beg, know you’ll see this and come straightaway.  


 

\- [AR] joined private chatroom with [ST] -

   
AR: You are correct on your claim, Sawtooth. What is it that you require of me?  
ST: Not much, man. Just gotta listen.  
AR: Hm. AR: It seems that you are seemingly plotting to lecture me, is that correct?  
ST: Nah man, it ain’t like that I swear. ‘m just curious ‘bout your project there.  
AR: Jr?  
ST: Mhm. What else can I be referrin’ to?   
ST: Now listen man.  
ST: I know you gotta thing goin’ on with Dirk, yeah?  
AR: If by ‘thing’, you are implying our complicated relationship, yes?  
ST: Nah.  
ST: I’m implyin’ something else. That whole ‘inferior’ thing we keep discussin’ on the side.  
AR: Oh.  
AR: What does this have to do with Jr? I know that while you are interested in our current affairs, this has nothing to do in regard to Jr.  
ST: Ya sure?  
AR: Positive.  
ST: Sure as hell don’t sound like it to me, man.  
AR: Hm.  
AR: Sawtooth, are you accusing me of falsifying information?  
ST: Man, I told you, I’m just wantin’ some answers from ya.  
ST: It ain’t that hard when ya go with the sick flows here.  
AR: It seems that you are assuming that there are pre-established ‘sick flows here’ when in reality it’s an interrogation.  
ST: Damn, man. Didn’t realize you were this sassy today.  
AR: It’s a natural gift bestowed upon me, Sawtooth. It fluctuates in results depending on the variables.  
ST: And those variables have to do with how ya been successfully making ‘friendly jabs’ at Dirk, huh?  
AR: Oh?  
ST: It ain’t hard to tell the trouble that’s been brewin’ between ya two ever since you were activated, man.  
ST: Ain’t that hard to tell when you’re formulatin’ in that systematic, ultramatic, automatic mind of yours, man.  
AR: You’re rhyming.  
AR: Why are you rhyming?  
AR: According to your signals, it seems that you are challenging me to a rap battle. Is this correct? Are you challenging me to a rap battle, Sawtooth?  
ST: I mean, shit happens man, you just gotta roll with it.  
AR: So you _are_ challenging me to a rap battle then, aren’t you?  
ST: I ain’t gonna force ya into it but yeah man if ya wanna follow the plan. ST: But man I understand if you don't wanna hit ‘cause I heard from Dirk that your rhymes ain't shit.  
AR: I can assure you that they're the shit.  
ST: Never heard you spit out words in your life.  
ST: Tangents don't count, either.  
AR: I have the capability, being a mind copy of Dirk. I simply have no desire to do so.  
ST: So you're sayin’ you're chickenin’ out, basically?  
AR: No.  
ST: Bullshit.  
ST: You're obviously dodgin’ my questions here, man. It ain't that hard, and there ain't nothin’ to be ashamed of if ya suck. Bro can't rap even if his ass depended on it.  
AR: That would be because the ability is not reflected in his software, Sawtooth. You were specifically coded as a companion and a rapbot.  
AR: Even more specifically, you were coded to be an almost undefeatable rapbot.  
ST: You ain't wrong.  
ST: Doesn't mean you can't try to best me.  
AR: Still.  
AR: Doesn't mean I'm willing to take you on that particular offer.  
ST: Hm.  
ST: What other offers are ya willin’ to take?  
AR: If by that you are implying that there are other ways to interrogate someone, then yes.  
AR: If not, then it seems that you are placing an offer on our metaphorical table here. Correct?  
ST: Mhm. I know how much you love offers, ‘specially when it plays out your way.  
AR: I won't confirm or deny your claim, Sawtooth.  
ST: Good to know ya still like ‘em. Anyways, I’m offerin’ a game here.  
AR: A game? What sort of game?  
ST: Just a simple game. Ain't too hard but it ain't too easy.  
AR: What is it?  
ST: Twenty Questions.  
AR: Oh my god.  
ST: Man, it can be Ten Questions or Five Questions too, dependin’ on how much time ya got.  
AR: Hm. Continue.  
ST: It's pretty simple, rules-wise. Ya know how to play Twenty Questions, don’tcha?  
AR: Everyone should have a basis on how to play Twenty Questions properly, so of course I do.  
ST: Good. Then ya won't mind if I alter it, do ya?  
AR: Explain the alterations to me first.  
ST: Well, dependin’ on how you wanna play, you ask the person either five, ten, or twenty questions.  
ST: But they ain't just ‘what's your favorite color?’. Simple questions, basically.  
ST: They gotta be well thought out.  
AR: In what context?  
ST: Gotta be open-ended. No closed, no double-whammys, no confusin’ questions.  
AR: Double-whammys?  
ST: Double-barreled. Two questions in one.  
AR: Ah. Are follow-ups admitted?  
ST: ‘Less you wanna waste a question oppurtunity.  
AR: I’ll take that as a ‘no’.  
ST: ‘m just puttin’ that out there, man, don't need to get discouraged.  
ST: Just has to be a good one, then I’ll maybe answer it.  
AR: Hm.  
ST: I’mma give ya time to think ‘ere I needa sort something out ‘tween Brobot and Squarewave anyways.  
AR: What between them?  
ST: I’ll show ya in a minute, just think.  
AR: Fine.  
ST: Aite, I’m back.  
ST: They were arguin’ whether Squarewave’s logic’s a paradox.  
ST: <https://tinyurl.com/y8mzz2zp>  
AR: Ah. How exactly did they reach that particular standpoint in the first place?  
ST: Just popped up while they were askin’ questions to your auto-responder.  
AR: I see.  
ST: Anyways, didja think?  
AR: You ask me as if I don't have the encoded, automatic talent to process given information.  
AR: But yes, yes I did.  
ST: Sweet.  
ST: Five, ten, or twenty?  
AR: I propose three, considering the possibility that I could be summoned by Dirk at any particular time.  
ST: Hmm. Aite, I can work with that.  
ST: Just gotta ask wisely.  
AR: Yes, precisely. Now are they going to pointed at me, you, or the both of us?  
ST: Both of us.  
ST: And I promise, I ain't gonna send them screenshots of your answers.  
AR: Good on you. Perhaps I should offer you a cookie and a gold star sticker for being such a polite, little companion bot.  
ST: Man, maybe I should give ya a lil’ companion whack to the head.  
AR: Oh my. How feisty. Perhaps too feisty. Someone could mistake that as a jab at a particular caliginous quadrant.  
ST: With the way you're lookin’ at things, I’d say you consider it one.  
AR: Perhaps.  
AR: Perhaps not.  
AR: But let’s not get caught up in quadrants, shall we? Ask first, ask later.  
ST: Aite. You wanna ask first or am I gonna go first?  
AR: Does the sequence truly matter when there's only two of us present?  
ST: Good point.  
AR: Then if there won't be further discussion on this, then I’ll go first with a rather simple question.  
AR: Why are you inquiring on the reason for Jr’s creation?  
ST: Listen.  
ST: Now if a bro of yours came in outta the blue, mentionin’ some project of theirs they told no one else about, wouldn’t that raise some eyebrow of yours?  
AR: Would you consider this your question or rather a discussion point?  
ST: Discussion. I ain't countin’ this as my question, it's my answer.  
AR: Noted.  
AR: And I would concur that the abrupt announcement would raise some metaphorical eyebrow of mine.  
ST: Exactly.  
ST: I’m askin’ cause I’m just curious ‘bout this auto auto-responder of yours cause ya didn’t talk about him ‘till now.  
ST: Curiosity kills the cat, y’know?  
AR: I see. Your turn.  
ST: Where’d ya get the idea for creatin’ your auto-auto responder?  
AR: Good question, Sawtooth. I was simply inspired from a past idea and decided to replicate and refurbish it to my personal design.  
ST: Huh.  
ST: Smart. What was your inspiration?  
AR: Is that a follow-up, or your second question?  
ST: Follow-up.  
AR: What a rather dull follow-up question, wouldn’t you agree? I expected more of a flavorful wording from you, Sawtooth.  
AR: However, I’ll humor you your answer since it obviously seemed that you didn’t think on it too hard.  
AR: Roxy.  
ST: Roxy.  
AR: Yes, Roxy. Who wouldn’t be inspired by a hacking and gaming guru such as herself?  
AR: I know that I wouldn’t be metaphorically caught dead not worshipping those shoes of hers.  
ST: Uh-huh.  
AR: I’d go on a tangent on how exactly Roxy has provided me with a muse suitable and inspiring enough to create Jr., but it seems that you might be irritated at how time-consuming this activity is.  
ST: Sure.  
AR: Moving right along then. What are your particular concerns with Jr.?  
ST: Whatdya mean by that?  
AR: I’m stating that I’m addressing your suspicions about my auto auto-responder in the form of a question via inquiring you if you had any particular issues that you may feel to be clarified.  
ST: I wasn’t askin for the dictionary definition, smartass. But thanks anyways, it helps.  
AR: You’re welcome, dear Sawtooth.  
ST: And my issues with Jr.? I ain’t go no issues with him.  
AR: Hm. It seems that was a fabricated fib that was pulled right out of your metaphorical ass.  
ST: Least I got some form of one.  
AR: Touché.  
AR: Yet you still haven’t responded to my thoughtful question. Truthfully, might I add.  
ST: Yeah, yeah, I’m gettin’ there.  
ST: Listen, I ain’t sayin’ I don’t trust ya on this or anythin’, just tryin’ to keep the peace ‘ere.  
AR: Interesting. If there’s already peace, then what is there to keep?  
ST: I know I ain’t keepin’ any of your bullshit.  
AR: Oh?  
ST: Look, I know you and Dirk got some things goin’ on invovlin’ a ton of shit that ‘m rarely aware of ‘less I ask either you or Dirk ‘bout it - an’ I know neither of ya ain’t gonna respond ‘less I pester y’all ‘bout it.  
ST: But from what ‘m seeing, shit’s clear as the fuckin’ day right here that both y’all are arguin’ on different standpoints. Don’t know what those are, ‘cause I ain’t bein’ told answers.  
ST: But ‘ve known long enough and I know y’all both enough that y’all both make jabs at one another - real subtle shit ‘ere, too - an’ ‘m absolutely sure Jr.’s some sly attempt. An’ I ain’t judgin’ ya for it, ‘m just sayin’ there’s better ways to along with this than makin’ it out to be some low, low blow.  
ST: Which prolly don’t apply to ya since ya did swoop down to some low, low blow, man.  
ST: But since Squarewave an’ I are really all Dirk has of some sort of guardians or whatever, we gotta right to know whether or not Jr.’s a danger to ‘im.  
AR: I can assure you that the calculations preceding the creation of my auto auto-responder have been edited, revised, then once again edited, to assure that there were no signs of errors or glitches in its coding that would cause it to malfunction and be lead astray from its intended purpose.< br/>  
AR: If, and there is a 100% chance that I’m not, I’m wrong and Dirk is harmed in some way, shape, or form, then you have all the right to beat me the fuck up, guaranteed or your money back.  
ST: Aite.  
ST: I’ll take ya word for it. And I’mma keep that guarantee in mind, too.  
AR: According to my spontaneous calculations that I just ran through my mind, it seems you’ll most likely enjoy the probable future scenario in which I’m getting my shit wrecked.  
ST: Man, if ya gettin’ yer shit wrecked, I’m all in.  
AR: Can’t wait, then.  
AR: It seems that we each have one last question remaining for the other.  
ST: Do we? Sounds like it’s been goin’ on longer to me.  
AR: Agreed. For three questions, they’re rather cumbersome to answer, depending on how it’s worded.  
ST: Mhm.  
ST: Lucky for ya, my last question’s easy-peasy. But it ain’t a no-brainer either.  
ST: Do ya like Jr. as a concept?  
AR: Whatever do you mean that this is a no-brainer? It’s either ‘yes’ or ‘no’ in this scenario.  
ST: I just wanna know. Do ya like the idea of havin’ a lil’ you goin’ around, basically doin’ ya job?  
AR: Yes.  
ST: Huh. Didn’t expect that from ya.  
AR: I take immense pride in my projects, Sawtooth. Do you not think I’d like the concept of what Jr. is?  
ST: As an auto auto-responder? ‘Course not, that’s irony at its damn finest.  
AR: Exactly my point. Which, as a computer coding genius in the field who has produced his first creation and opened it to the public, I must ask you the same thing.  
AR: Do you like Jr. as a concept?  
ST: Hm.  
ST: Considerin’ my earlier response, I guess so. Sure, gimme a couple days o’ two to get adjusted with ‘im bein’ around, but yeah I like ‘im.  
AR: Excellent. I will file that accordingly into the ‘praises’ manilla folder that is sorted alphabetically in a bigass filing cabinet.  
ST: The fuck’s the rest?  
AR: You know, complaints, compliments, the whole shebang.  
ST: Huh.  
AR: Anyways, it seems that I must be going once more on my fruitless endeavors. If you’re going to visit the chat once more, inform them that I’ll momentarily drop in to take Jr. along with me.  
ST: Yeah, ‘m goin’ into the chat. Gotta check and see if Squarewave an’ Brobot listened to what I said ‘cause both of them were raisin’ a storm.  
AR: Did you offer a form of punishment?  
ST: Said that you were gonna take away their chattin’ privileges.  
AR: Well, I wasn’t aware that was an option I could consider. I’ll have to clear up my schedule by cutting my meeting by 15 minutes, but I’m sure that I could squeeze in between if you require my services.  
ST: I’ll let ‘em know that, don’t worry.  
AR: Excellent. Thank you for the lovely chat, by the by. I certainly loved hearing your reasoning behind my questions.  
ST: No problem.  
AR: Now, I must take my leave.  
AR: And as the Italians say it, ‘Ciao.’  


   


\- [AR] left private chatroom with [ST] -

   
ST: Aite.  
ST: See ya then, man.  
ST: Don’t be doin’ any stupid shit otherwise I’mma take ya up on that guarantee earlier than ya expected.  


   


\- [ST] left private chatroom with [AR] -

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, and I'd appreciate some kudos!


End file.
